


Functioning Fam

by nescamonster



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Adult Content, Anxiety Disorder, Bi-Polar, Canon Disabled Character, Depression, Disassociative Identity Disorder, Mental Disorders, Mental Health Issues, Mental Illness, Other, Panic Attack, Schizophrenia, Tourette's Syndrome, We are breaking sterotypes, not the sexy kind
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-18
Updated: 2019-04-22
Packaged: 2020-01-15 22:04:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18507979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nescamonster/pseuds/nescamonster
Summary: They may have mental disorders, but this group is about to become a functioning family!The achivement bois in this au all have various mental illnesses and have signed on for a study and research getaway. they are all put in the same cabin, Hunter cabin A and will get to know each other, their illnesses and ultimately, that an illness of the mind is not as scary as mainstream media makes it out to be.There just a bunch of nerds, looking for friendship and understanding----I am researching and learning as I go. So as you read, the symptoms may alter as I become better educated to what each syndrome, disorder and illness is and does.Please, Educate me if you feel I am misrepresenting and do not treat these representations as the end all and Be all experience of the disorders. Each person is diffrent and this is written by my own personal understanding of each one as well as how I feel the Ah boys would react with them.If you feel you might have anything within, please see professionals and speak about your feelings and what you think is happening to youYou are worth it<3





	1. D.I.D- Jeremy

For a crowd like this one, Jeremy was at the forefront today. He could feel Truck and Tim paying attention in the back of his mind, but Nick was deeply retreated. He was nervous but since the doctors were speaking to the group as a whole, he reasoned he could handle it. 

He glanced around him at the two hundred odd people with him, trying to fully get his mind to accept the truth. Every single person here had some sort of mental health condition. He wondered if he'd meet anyone here with D.I.D like he had. He could hear someone shouting in the back, echoed by someone else spewing swears in the front.

The orientation speech was wrapping up quick and soon they were directed to the side to get their name badges and room numbers. Jeremy closed his eyes, breathing deep, staying calm as he lifted his suitcase. He didn't want Tim pushing in to start a scene or worse, Monster truck to wrest control from him. 

"Hey there!" A smiling woman greeted him from behind the welcome desk as it became his turn to move to the front, "Name?"

Jeremy chuckled bitterly to himself. That was his problem. Too many names. But he gave his own name, the one the Body he shared was known as, "Jeremy dooley. I was referred by Dr-"

"Here you are! You are in Hunter cabin, A" She smiled and handed him his badge attached to a lanyard, "The tag functions as your key and your credit. You'll need it to get into your room and to swipe to get food and drink. Think of it like a credit card."

Jeremy smiled and nodded, barely glancing at it beyond seeing his name, tossing it around his neck, "Thanks."

"You're welcome! And remember, you are not alone." she said piping the study line. You are not alone. A group research and therapy study of various mental health disorders. Jeremy gave another bitter chuckle and started off, following the directions towards his cabin. He heard the swearing again, shouted loud, looking that way.

"Assholes! Fuck! Assholes! Biscuit! Biscuit!" a woman was screeching, her head jerking as a doctor stood with her, trying to get her to calm. Jeremy averted his eyes, saddened on her behalf. It was hard to have an episode so publicly. He could feel the prick behind his eyes himself, his limbs feeling slightly numb and odd, knowing his switch was coming.

He got to his cabin to see the door was already open, lights inside on despite the windows letting in sunlight. Jeremy put his suitcase down, the stress of the day too much, and the prospect of meeting the first of his roomates who he'd also do therapy with overwhelmed.

To anyone else, it seemed like all Jeremy did was put his suitcase down, flex the fingers and rub his eyes before picking it up again. It was hard to tell from watching that a switch had happened. Now, Rimmy Tim was running the body, the confident Alter.

For Jeremy, it was as if his consciousness had taken a backseat in the car that was his body. When rimmy Tim was in control, Jeremy could still feel his body, could see, hear, think, but couldn't contribute. They couldn't talk to each other, D.I.D didn't work that way, but if Jeremy pushed he could take control back. Unlike Truck, Tim was happy to cede control back if Jeremy insisted.

Still, this was why Tim existed. To take point and do what Jeremy couldn't. Rimmy Tim's job was to protect Jeremy from scorn by being the most average and normal man he could be. The smile that spread across Jeremy's face now was Tim's, and he started inside the cabin with an easy swagger, lifting a hand to greet the other person inside the way Jeremy never could.

"Hello! You must be one of my roommates. I'm Jeremy dooley, nice to meet you." Tim never revealed his own name, he was there to pilot Jeremy through social interactions, extending his hand from a wave to a hand shake.

"Yeah. Fucking thrilled." The guy said sarcastically, seizing his hand in a strong grip, auburn curls cut close to his head and glasses that his hard brown eyes glared through, "I think you mean fellow rat. This is a fucking science shit show anyways. My names Michael."

Jeremy would have backed off, would have made some sort of awkward joke, dropped his bags on a random bed and fled. But Tim was fronting right now so he smiled wider still and nodded, looking around as he spoke, "Well, Michael, rat's or not, it's going to be an interesting six months, and Hey! We get paid so that's something. Is this bunk taken?"

The cabin had three lots of bunk beds, one against the back wall and one on either side. In the corners of the cabin, two small tables with three chairs, obviously they weren't intended to take meals here. At the ends of each bunk was a closet split in two, for each person's personal things. It had a very militant feel to it, with a splash of kids camp that made Jeremy shudder inside.

"Nope. Help yourself." Michael turned away to continue unpacking, taking the top bunk at the end of the room, putting his things inside his assigned closet and some personal items on his bed. Tim turned to the left bunk, taking the bottom bed as both Jeremy and Nick were frightened of heights. He set his suitcase on it and started to shrug off his backpack when a voice spoke from the doorway.

"Excuse me, would it be ok, if I took that bed?" A large man in his thirties, a kindly face behind glasses and a beard looked at them. Tim nodded, always the people pleaser, grabbing their stuff up as the man beamed at him, "Thanks for that. I have- LOOK OUT!"

Michael whipped around and Jeremy blanked out as Monster truck took over from Tim. Monster truck was Jeremy's most aggressive protector, and when he had control, Jeremy was aware of nothing. It was frightening for Jeremy to awake back to the front and find himself somewhere completely different from when he last had awareness. 

"What! What is it!" Monster truck asked, looking for the danger, arms up ready to defend Jeremy from whatever it was. The man who had called the warning blushed and tried to hide his face in a hand but ended up beating his chest with his right hand like an ape in a movie.

"I'm so sorry. I'm nervous and- LOOK OUT!- it sets it off. I so wanted to make a good- open! OPEN!- impression." He lurched his way through explaining, Truck glaring at him while Michael stepped closer in curiosity, "I have tourettes. I'm sorry its a nervous- LOOK OUT!- Tic."

All the while beating at his chest, smack, smack, smack. Truck rolled his eyes and faded back, letting Tim come forward again. With Tim fronting once more, Jeremy's awareness came back, wondering what he'd missed as the big guy was smacking himself over and over and Michael snorted.

"I thought tourettes was a made up thing so cartman could swear." He scoffed. 

"N-no, it's real. See my brain- Open!- It's not swearing but has a few phrases that I can't help- Look OUT!- saying, I-"

Tim held up a hand and then placed it on his shoulder in understanding, "It's ok. We're all here for something. My Name is Jeremy, what's yours?"

The guy looked at him thankfully and slowly his chest beating eased as he breathed deep and answered, "Jack. Jack pattillo."

"Nice to meet you Jack." Tim smiled at him, moving to put his things down on the bottom bunk on the right then come back to help Jack with his. Both Jeremy and Tim felt sorry for Jack who was as stressed out as they were but expressed it differently. Tim simply took control in response to Jeremy's stress, and their body functioned as normal. For Jack, he was impeded by his mental disorder, with physical and vocal tics.

"So what are you in for?" Michael asked, finished his unpacking, he had jumped up onto his top bunk, dangling his legs as he looked at Tim. Before Tim could answer another two men arrived together. 

"Don't tell me were doing the sharing already!" The younger of the pair asked in a light british accent and a smile, "I thought we'd at least get to unpack before-"

"Look out!" Jack shouted and smacked his chest as he turned from unpacking to look at the newcomers. This time, Tim stayed in the front, since they knew there was no danger, and they could watch in amusement as both men flinched and looked about.

"That's Jack. He has tourettes syndrome." Tim put in helpfully as he could see Jack was uncomfortable with the attention his disorder brings, "If he tells you open, don't worry about it."

"Thanks." Jack muttered quietly and sat on the bottom bunk, tapping his knee then his chest then back again but no more nervous shouts since Tim had summed it up so quickly for him.

"I'm Michael, and mr people pleaser there is Jeremy. Who the fuck are you two and what are you in for?" Michael asked from his place, watching the two enter together. The older spoke up first, setting his suitcase on the bunk above Jack's.

"Not rudeness like you obviously are. My names Geoff," he directed the rest of his greeting to Jack, holding out his right hand so Jack could shake with his left, "I'll be your bunk mate for the next six months."

The two older men shook hands and Jack was easing up on his tics as Geoff started talking in a slow calming manner about where he was from and how his trip was. Tim smiled softly, watching as the younger more hyper man rushed over to Michael who rolled his eyes and pulled his legs up into a cross, looking down at him.

"Name's Gavin, and I just know we're going to be best friends." he announced brightly offering Michael his hand. Michael took it and Gavin winced at the pressure then chuckled, "Bit standoffish aren't you?"

"Bit hyperactive ain't ya?" Michael countered then unexpectedly both laughed. They started chatting and Tim finished unpacking, wondering where his bunk mate was and whether they would get along with all of Jeremy's alters. 

Tim sat down on his bunk now he was done, fluffing the pillow they brought from home. He lay down on it and did a bit of breathing, a headache forming from all the switching today. It was unusual for them to switch so often, but today was different. Commiting to this was a big decision.

Six months, in basically isolation. From now until the end of the study, they would all stay here on the grounds of this research centre. Its forest like grounds, and cabins were designed to be relaxing for the people participating. Day passes were available after two weeks, and they had their phones of course but for the most part, the people you cabin with would be your social group.

Everyone was being paid for their participation, part of what made the study so attractive for most of them since a lot of mental disorders were not welcome in the normative workforce. Even breath the acronym D.I.D in an interview and Jeremy could kiss goodbye to any chance of working there. 

It was a soft switch, relaxing back into the familiar scent of his pillow, lulled by the conversations going around him. Jeremy came back to the front, a small headache the price for switching so hard and fast this past hour. He hoped soon he could talk to these people himself. They seemed nice, all affected by whatever brought them here like he was. Even Michael seemed to be like Truck; aggressive but kind.

He opened his eyes as Jack and Geoff said hello to a newcomer. He looked to see a man with blonde hair, hunched shoulders and blue eyes that searched around the room before settling on him, "The top bunk taken?"

Jeremy shook his head and the guy entered fully, closing the door behind himself, returning greetings to Geoff and Jack but stiffly. Obviously he didn't want to talk much stating only his name when asked by Geoff, a gruff reluctant, "Ryan haywood." before he started putting his things away.

Jeremy gave him as much privacy as he could, looking at the card on his lanyard, reading his name, his group, his cabin… He sat up in horror, as underneath that was the disorder he was here for, written plain for anyone to see.

"You ok?" Geoff asked from across the way, seeing Jeremy sit upright. 

"Our badges, they have our disorders on it." He muttered automatically. The tensness came back in the room as everyone checked their cards to see their biggest flaw, things they all hid from the world, was right there on the forefront of their badges.

"Fuck…" Ryan muttered, and then tucked his badge under his shirt. Jeremy didn't care to much about the others reactions, to busy staring at the words on his own. Dissociative identity disorder. Words he'd only come to know three years ago, but something he'd been living with all his life. Also three words that suddenly make people wary of him. Look at him like a monster. LIke he'd explode any moment into some serial killing maniac. 

"Maybe… Maybe it's best we all get it out there." Geoff suggested to the uneasy silence, "I mean we're all here for mental disorders. We all know everyone in this room has something. Maybe we should just get it out there now."

"I can't help- Look out!- but declare mine." Jack joked softly. Geoff nodded and rolled off his bed to stand, talking by the door to the cabin.

"That's right. I know we're all scared but we also know what it's like to be judged by the stereotypes." as Geoff said that, Jack shot Michael a look and the younger man looked away in angry shame as Geoff countined, "I'll start. So, My name is Geoffery Ramsey and I got depression."

"I'm not doing this." Ryan announced before anyone else could continue, "I want at least a few more hours before people start avoiding me like the plague."

"What, you scitzo or something?" Michael scoffed and Ryan shot him a glare so hard Jeremy's vision blurry as Truck tried to front. He pushed Truck back, wanting to hear Ryan's answer for himself.

"Yes. Yes I am. Sorry you've got a monster bunking with you." Ryan said bitterly, slamming his closet shut, "Now if you guys excuse me, I'm going to go see where the food hall is. I'll leave you to voting me out now."

Jeremy was shocked as Ryan, who had only been there long enough to unpack, stormed out, slamming the door hard enough to shake the cabin. Jeremy flinched at it, and retreated into the corner formed by his bed and the walls as Geoff rounded on Michael, getting up him for being so insensitive. 

Jeremy put his head in his hands, trying to stay in the forefront but it was too much and this time, when he blacked out, he didn't bother trying to fight back. Truck could run the rest of the day for all he was concerned.


	2. Undiagnosed- Michael

Michael hated himself. He hated how he made fun of Jack upon meeting him, hated how he chased Ryan off. He didn't know what crawled up Jeremy's ass, but the friendly guy was now scowling and standoffish and Michael suspected himself as the cause.

He couldn't help himself. He figured early on that it was better to be on the attack then the defence. If he was the first to swing, he was guaranteed one hit before retaliation. He had his arms folded now as they stood together as a cabin, Ryan still a no show, as the doctors assigned Cabin leaders.

Gavin seemed to be glued to his side, bouncing on the balls of his feet and a sly grin on his face as he lent towards him, whispering, "I heard they got paint balloons here. We should snag some and bomb the place tonight."

Michael rolled his eyes but smiled, thinking how much fun that would be. The pristine experiment, its snotty doctors, all covered in paint. He wasn't surprised when his name wasn't called to be leader. He'd be terrible at it, trying to herd this group into some semblance of a team.

He was here at the insistence of his mother. The last time he'd ended up in hospital… Well, he wanted to hurt himself, not his family, so he promised them he'd commit this time. Didn't mean he had to like it however, and trashing the place sounded like a damn fine idea to him.

Geoff was named for their Cabin, going up to receive their timetables to hand out and add the leader pin to his lanyard. According to the doctors, they were in different studies and experiments, but for the most part there would always be at least one other cabin member with you. Group therapy was twice a week, again with your cabin mates. It was designed so you had a core group of support then the wider support of the rest of the subjects.

Michael doubted he'd be much support to his cabin mates. He didn't really play well with others. He knew he was a piece of shit and it was only a matter of time before everyone knew it.

"Thanks." He muttered as he took the timetable from Geoff for their first week. The rest of the day, they were to be staying in their group as they toured the facilities and learnt the area. That seemed fair enough but Michael felt sick in his gut when he saw their first agenda tomorrow morning, "The fuck? We got therapy straight away? Can't we do like the fucking needles first?"

"Needles!?" Gavin squeaked in stress but Geoff put a hand on his shoulder to calm him. Jack thumped his chest and Jeremy glared at Michael who suddenly felt as if every one of his cabin mates hate him. Even Gavin went quiet after his outburst, looking morose. “I don't think I'm cut out for this.” and great. Just fucking great. Michael's made the one person who was nice to him quit on the first fucking day.

"There isn't any needles." Geoff assured Gavin quickly, Michael assessing his exits the only one notice Ryan sidle up through the crowd to their group, "At least not without prior discussion. We all signed the paperwork, Gavin, the only medication you have to take is if you already have some and all blood tests are voluntary." Michael flushed at the mention of medication, knowing his lay in the bottom of his bag untouched but Geoff was looking at him now, "It's probably a get to know you meet. Very standard."

"Look, I'm just… not the talky touchy feely type." Michael excused himself, feeling as if everyone was looking at him. Not just his group, but around them in the crowd, people looking and whispering about him. At least one was not in his imagination, Jeremy glaring at him with folded arms.

“It's been noted,” Jeremy replied drily, a fierce look in his eye.

Michael glared back, the sick feeling in his gut boiling as he saw hatred directed at him. Jeremy, Geoff, Gavin, Ryan, Jack, all angry, all focused on him. Right now nothing could convince him otherwise, as the one who hated Michael the most was himself. As the self hatred boiled over, Michael retreated to his knee-jerk reaction, Glaring and spitting out, “The fuck is your problem?!”

“You're a threat to us.” Jeremy stated simply, his sight not moving from Michael at all, seizing him up as a enemy. Michael knew they'd find out about him being the worst person in the world, but he didn't expect it to be so quickly. Feeling cornered he took a step forward at Jeremy, ready to fight.

"The fuck is that meant to mean?!" Though of course he knew. Deep down inside he'd always known he was unlikable as a person. That he was wasted air space, that the world made a mistake and that mistake was him.

"Whoa boy's let's calm down." Geoff quickly stood between them, trying to soothe them, but he'd said the words Michael hated. He loathed when people told him to calm down, feeling as if they were saying he had no reason to be angry. That he was overreacting. That he was at fault.

"You calm the fuck down! I'm fucking calm! I asked a fucking question! I don't get why you're all jumping down my fucking throat." Michael exploded, backing up now in panic as they now had other people looking in their direction in the gathering. His heart pounded in his ears, panic showing the whites of his eyes, breath heaving as a thousand eyes focused on him, exposing him for the shit he was for the world to see.

"Michael Jones, right? This way." Michael heard the voice, but he didn't see the speaker. All he saw was the life line, the exit, a tunnel from the eyes on him, leading to blessed darkness. He tore down it, hearing the words fall around him like rain, all the whispers that were about him, sneering at him.

He slammed his back into the wall just inside the building, closing his eyes and counting his breaths as his mother taught him to do. Slowly, his heartbeat receded, his chest aching after the thrum of adrenaline, and his eyes flickered open to see an empty room. It was relief to be alone, no one to put up a front for, no one to accuse him with their eyes.

Then the door opened that he'd barrelled through and one of the doctors came in, flicking on the lights to the office, revealing a waiting room and reception desk. He didn't look at Michael at all, which Michael found comforting, instead he looked out over the empty room as he spoke.

"Michael Jones, I don't know if you remember me. I'm Dr Burns. We met A few months ago, at the hospital?" Burns still didn't look at him so Michael was able to peel himself off the wall, hugging himself tightly trying to regather his thoughts. He nodded though he really didn't remember doctor burns much at all. Everything about that episode was darkened by grey, the memories fuzzy.

"I assure you the mass grouping portion is almost over, and you are not the only one to have a panic attack today." Burns said kindly, his voice lacking the usual accusational tone Michael heard from others. Michael dug his fingernails into his arm with one hand, pressing the other to his face.

"Fuck. My cabin mates are going to think I'm a fucking nutter." He muttered for himself really, but Burns heard him.

"Mr Jones… that is the whole reason we are here," Michael flinched at the confirmation but Burns kept speaking, strolling over to a chair and brushing imaginary lint from it, allowing Michael privacy to collect himself, "To prove there is no such thing as 'nutters' and that on a personal level; You, Michael, are not crazy."

"Are you serious?" Michael scoffed, unable to hear reassurance, not able to even start processing that someone might think even neutrally about him let alone positively, "Did you miss the fucking show? I lost my shit out there! Everyone was looking at me! They are going to bounce me from the program and my mom…" Michael had been gesturing fiercely, but as his anxious thoughts took over he went still, hugging himself once again. Hurting himself again, the feeling of his nails digging into his skin, calming and centring.

"My mom told me this is my last shot. Me, killing me, is killing my family. I gotta get right here Doc, I gotta fucking be normal." Michael pleaded, now worried this was a private one on one so Dr Burns could kick him out, "I'll cool my shit, I promise, please," The panic was rising now, he'd already blown it-

"Michael, you are not being kicked out." Doctor burns finally looked at him fully so he could see the seriousness in his eyes, the truth, "I just saw you needed a bit of a breather and provided an outlet. I saw you know a few breathing exercises, so how about we do that together huh? And here," the doctor searched in his coat pocket and pulled out a stress toy. A toy someone could squeeze in the shape of a burger, "Try this?"

Michael blushed and he looked away, glancing back to see the doctor had the toy still offered but now he was looking out the window as if it was the most fascinating thing in the world to him. Michael's mouth thinned but he got the point, taking his hands off his arms before he split skin, snatching the toy and giving it a half hearted squeeze. He felt like a kid, but better now then when he'd first run into this room.

Breath and don't hurt yourself, was all doctors ever told him. Like it was that easy.

"This is day one, hour one kiddo." Burns said as if he could hear Michael's scorn, "Give us, and yourself, a chance. You might find the results surprising."

Michael rolled his eyes but now with his anxiety back under control he could jerk his head in an acknowledging nod, "Thanks Doc."

"Anytime. We want you all to feel comfortable here." Dr burns smiled and though Michael doubted he smiled back. The doctor gestured to the door and Michael knew it was time to reenter the fray.

As he stepped back out into the gathering, he steeled himself for everyone looking at him, judging him. He subconsciously squeezed the toy. The thousand eyes from before were gone, the gathering once again just that couple hundred, and even that was thinning as various groups went off to their different tour site beginnings. No one spared him a second glance and for that he was grateful as he weaved through towards where he'd seen his cabin last.

They were still there, chatting and chuckling together, bonding without him. Ryan was there with hands in pockets smiling, Jack was only ticking with a stomp smack on his thigh combo. Jeremy was beaming at everyone, happy and excited now, not the standoffish and silent brooding presence he had been before.

"Hey boi! We was waiting for you." Gavin greeted him, Michael's sweep over the group ending on his bunk-mate who wasted no time coming over and taking his elbow, "Come on, let's go fella's, big big day ahead!"

"You're not… Gavin wait… You guys aren't mad at me?" Michael asked, stopping where he was, needing to know they weren't conspiring to like, fucking throw him into traffic or something like that.

"We get it. It's a pretty- LOOK OUT! Stressful day." Jack said understandably. Geoff nodded and even Ryan gave him a understanding look before his eyes skittered away. Michael looked at Jeremy who had been ready as him to through down.

"Yeah it's cool Michael! We all have tough days! Now come on, our tour begins at the horses. Horses guys!" Jeremy said excitedly and chuckling, starting off then hesitating, smiling at Geoff respectfully, "Ah, you want to go first?"

"Dude, they don't mean for me to lead you everywhere." Geoff snorted as he started walking following the map they'd been given. Michael breathed out a sigh as the group filed in behind Geoffrey and Jeremy's banter, blinking in surprise when Gavin touched his arm.

"Sorry." Gavin blushed, tugging Michael's sleeves down a bit further, "You got bruising…" Michael started then looked down to see his finger marks were indeed visible on his upper arm. Reddened divots, to Michael, seemed like a blaring target. He wrapped his hands over them and looked about, people staring and muttering, having spotted signs that he wasn't normal.

"Its ok boi. No one can tell." Gavin assured him, pulling his focus back to Gavin who was looking at his own feet, scuffing the tip of one, "I-I sometimes do that too. It's not as obvious as you think it is."

Gavin's admittance had Michael looking again, seeing Gavin's elbow length sleeves in new light. With that in mind he looked at his own arms and hardly spotted the reddening amongst his freckles. Really, only Gavin who had seen such marks before could pick up that they would darken to bruising.

"Thanks Gav." Michael breathed, "Sincerely."

Gavin smiled at him and nudged his side with an elbow, "Hey, we got each others backs right? That's what they want from us anyways. Now common, I want to pet a real horse!" He started off and Michael started to fall into step beside him, arms falling to swing from his side, a tiny chip of ice that was constantly weighing down in his chest momentarily fallen away.

"So, you feeling better?" Geoff asked later once they were at the horses. Michael looked up from brushing the coat of the mare he had been shown to see their cabin leader leaning against her, petting her back and looking to Michael.

Immediately all the thoughts from before welled up, Michael's inner thoughts competing to be heard. Geoff was here to tell him to leave. Geoff thought he was crazy. Did Geoff know Michael was a piece of shit? Was Geoff here to fucking rip him a new one?

He jerked his head in a nod, trying to focus on the brush running through mane. Geoff sighed heavily and Michael was reminded of the time he knocked over a tray of paints in arts class in grade school. The teacher had given that very same sigh and Michael had known then what he knew now. He was nothing but a disappointment to everyone.

"Where'd your head take you?" Geoff asked suddenly and Michael looked up to see Geoff had grabbed his own brush and was working on the mares back with it. Geoff didn't look at him but spoke again, "Just now. I know that look. I wear that look. What mistake did you just relive?"

Michael was stunned Geoff knew what he'd been thinking. Whenever he tried to explain to his family, Michael was told to stop living in the past. But here Geoff was, asking him directly what he had been thinking about.

"How'd…"

"It's a common trait in depression and anxiety." Geoff answered the question before Michael could decide how to voice it, "I relive so many mistakes every damn day. Things that shouldn't matter but for some stupid reason my brain likes to collect them like fucking cards and dish them back at me randomly."

Michael looked back to his work, the brushing of the horse calming, her soft snort echoed by the other horses around, a quiet buzz of conversation in the stalls that didn't make Michael feel overwhelmed. It gave him room to think, to wonder if Geoff was lying and if he was, what would be the point?

Michael lay awake at nights, trying hard to ignore the press of thoughts crowding him. Every single stab of shame he's felt, every guilty moment, every mistake. It's easier during the day when he can distract himself, but at night, that's when it was at its worse. Was Geoff saying he felt that way too?

"Yeah well, least I haven't fucked this up." Michael tried to joke his way out of the moment, petting the horse they were caring for, "She's too beautiful for me to mess her up."

"You are not a mistake Michael." Geoff says, cutting right to the core of the Lad who gasped aloud to hear that, "I hope you and I can be friends. I think we got a lot in common… Like a fucking sailors mouth."

Michael gave a surprised laugh at that, and Geoff winked at him before turning the conversation away from hard subjects to something more comfortable, "Ever ridden a horse before?"

"No… Have you?"

"Yeah I know a thing or two. You want to learn?" Geoff asked him with a smile. Michael smiled back as he heard more than asking to ride a horse. Did he want to learn about anxiety and depression? Learn to make friends? Learn how to be better?

"Yeah. Fuck. Yeah I think I do."

**Author's Note:**

> Come over to tumblr and talk to me!  
> http://nescamonster.tumblr.com/  
> Please, i'm trying to educate myself, so if you have experience with any of these conditions and feel i am not doing an accurate representation let me know :)  
> I hope this helps to show people that mental illness is not the monster waiting in the dark and neither are those who have them.


End file.
